I love them together <3
Some people want it all but I don’t want nothing at all if it ain’t you, baby, if I ain’t got you baby.
i’ve been celebrating ever since. I don’t feel any different because I still feel like i’m the same the age. However, I do feel different as a person. My 18th was an eye opening year for me. I thought I was the person who had answers to everything but, I didn’t. In fact, I had no answers. So many people took me for granted and when I finally walked away, they were left with nothing to say. See, I like to think friendship is like gold. It’s beautiful if it’s real but, if it’s cheap, you don’t wear it and toss it away. Which is why i’ve always kept good gold around me. I also think distance is nothing when a friendship is honest and real. Moving on, I had so many people call me for my birthdays and tell me so many wonderful things. A call i’ll never forget is the one my aunt gave me. “For your 19th, I wish you a beautiful year that comes along with a boyfriend. You need a boyfriend,” said she. Those words hit me so hard because I feel like at this point in my life the last thing I need is a romantic relationship. I have two amazing guys in my life, each of them which I love unconditionally. I have stopped myself from choosing because I know that if I do, i’ll lose the other. I think that for my 19th year i’ll be focusing on myself because sometimes one need to be a little selfish. I just want a healthy, happy and beautiful year .. along with some alcohol.
Thank you all for the wonderful wishes and birthday messages. I’ve been drunk since friday so i’m sorry if I didn’t directly send a nice “thank you”.
Xoxo.
It’s been a while since i’ve actually sat down and let my thoughts flow on a piece of paper or at least, online. It’s just that I feel like I have so much to tell but can’t find the rights words to say it. And today, something hit me. My mother’s sister, my aunt, told my mom how i’m going to turn 19 pretty soon and I don’t have a “boyfriend”. And I just sat there. Those words stuck me right across my heart. Why? Because I have two people who genuinely care about me and I just feel like i’m playing a never ending game. I’m so used to not wearing my heart on my sleeves and when I do, something always messes it up. I don’t want to deal with any of that. Love, give my heart a break.
One of the last conversations my grandfather and I had before he passed away was about love. It always hits me hard when I think about it because every word he told me was true. He was always telling me that I would be the girl who would love silently and that this could be a gift if only i’d use it wisely. I always laughed it off because I thought his ideas about my love life were nonsense. Today, I understand everything he ever told me and how right he was about all of it. When he said that I would be the one to love silently he meant that I would be the one to show my love rather than express it. I would be the one to not tell you “I love you” enough but that every day, by my actions, you would know it. He ended that conversation by telling me this: “Wherever your heart takes you .. that’s home.” He was right about every single thing ..
I miss you so much abuelo .. a piece of me left with you and I think about you everyday.
- R: Miss you, wanna kiss you.
- Me: You sound like a messed up teddy bear LOL
- R: A cute teddy bear
- Me: YOU GOT IT BOY
- R: I love you
- Me: Darling, so do I .. so do I
- R: Words mean more
- Me: Sigh .. I love you too
- And then we ended talking about how Barnes and Nobles is the best place on earth. So good.
This is my father right before his surgery today. He is currently being operated, as we speak. I was just flipping through the pictures on my phone when this caught my sight. My father is the strongest and most hard working man I know. He works 3 jobs to be able to pay bills, pay my college tuition and pay for my sister’s private high school education. He is the only parent that is working in my house hould right now. Every single day he wakes up at 5 Am and gets home during the hours after mid-night. I don’t know what my life without him would be like and I don’t ever wish to know. Papi, I love you and you are my biggest inspiration and the main reason that motivates me every single day. Thank you for being everything that a father should be and for being a leader, a best friend and everything to me. God never fails us and I know he is with you at your surgery right now. I love you forever and always. Your forever little princess.
Sometimes I find myself sitting back and thinking about how no one ever really gets me. I do things, I say things and I act a certain way because that’s who I am. I can’t change myself for anyone and even if I could, I wouldn’t. My flaws, my choices and the consequences that come from them, all of that makes me who I am. People call me an alcoholic but I only drink on special occasions. You wont find me in a party every friday or saturday because that is not the life style I have chosen for myself. I have a job, I go to school every single day. I have things to do in order for me to progress in life and I wont put that off for anything in the world. Life has taught me that people never give a fuck, so why in the world should I? Love has been the center of my life in the sense that I try to put it first. The love for my family, my friends, my significant other .. everyone. I think that relationships are beautiful and even when they’re messy, they are still beautiful. I don’t go around, looking for someone .. I’ve always believed that when something is meant to be or meant to happen then it’ll find me. I always put everyone before me and I think that’s one of the things that makes me such a great friend. But, sometimes I forget, that I need to put myself first once in a blue. I need to acknowledge myself and all the things I do. I wish I could make others understand that material things can only bring you temporary happiness and no matter how many of it you have, none of it matters if you have an empty heart. People need to grow up and learn that love is everything and forgiveness is key. As a human being, i’m letting you know that you don’t always have to be mad at the world .. sometimes you just need to let it go.
I don’t know why i’m even writing this but I just want everyone to know that if they can’t accept my mistakes and my flaws then they don’t deserve to be a part of my life. That is all.
